The last page: What the witness says

WHO’S TO BLAME?

Q. How has it changed?

A. Well, you could do that at one time, and then along comes the Internet, and the whole world can buy off the Internet. I used to go five, six days a week going all over the country, to Wyoming, to – I’ve been to New York to buy cars – all over. And the Internet comes along, and all the customers I was selling to go on the Inter­net, unlicensed, unbonded, and all that

stuff, and they got a business card that tells them, in Guatemala, they can buy cars.

Q. We have Al Gore to thank for that, right?

MR. SMITH: Especially Al Gore.

Therese Casterline, RMR, CRR
The Colony, Texas
 

WITH FRIENDS LIKE THESE

Q. Have you gone by any other names?

A. Yes.

Q. What are those?

A. I haven’t gone by names, but other people have referred to me as other names.

Q. Nicknames?

A. Yes.

Q. What are some of your nicknames?

A. Well, a friend of mine calls me Road Kill.

Q. Okay.

A. He said he has seen road kill that looked better than me.

MR. SMITH: And that’s your friend, right?

THE WITNESS: My good friend, right.

Therese Casterline, RMR, CRR
The Colony, Texas
 

GULP

Q. Were you in the Harris County jail waiting to go to trial?

A. I was in Harris County jail, yeah, the whole time.

Q. Did you have to do any additional time?

A. No, sir.

Q. Okay. And you said tampering with evi­dence. What was it that they accused you of tampering with?

A. I had some marijuana, and I ate it.

Alan Turboff, RPR
Houston, Texas
 

NO QUESTION ABOUT IT

THE COURT: Mr. Rhodes, do you have any final questions before we move on to the next case?

THE DEFENDANT: Yeah. I just want to say for the record that your court reporter is a fox.

THE COURT: Mr. Rhodes, that is not a question.

THE DEFENDANT: Yeah. There’s no question about it. She’s a fox.

THE COURT: Mr. Rhodes, you have three kids and no job. Trust me, you can’t afford her.

Nichole Thut, RPR
Sacramento, Calif.
 

DON’T GO BREAKING HIS HEART

Q. Okay. Would you say that the research indicates whether or not — and your experience with young children indicates whether or not — a child of the age about three, three and a half, is capable of out­right lying like you could see in an adult?

A. I don’t think three-year-olds, they don’t outright lie. I mean, if they do, they do it poorly. You know, who took the cookie, and it’s like the monster did it. I mean, they don’t — they are not sophisticated liars at all.

Q. Okay. What about the capability of distin­guishing truth from fantasy; reality of what occurred from something they saw on TV?

A. Well, this is when kids start to believe — you know, they believe in Santa Claus and things that aren’t real, but —

THE COURT: What?

THE WITNESS: Sorry, Your Honor. I’m sorry to break your heart.

MS. ANDREWS: Do you need a recess, Judge?

THE COURT: The Court’s in recess.

(Laughter.)

Vicki Hartmetz, RPR, CMRS, CLVS, CRI
Centennial, Colo.
 

AM I HERE?

Q. Now, go to Exhibit V.

A. (The witness complies.)

Q. Tell me when you’re at that exhibit.

Are you there?

A. Am I —

Q. At Exhibit V, is it opened in the book in front of you?

A. Yes. Am I here?

Q. Yes. Are you — Frank. These are simple questions. They’re not confusing.

A. Okay.

Q. Do you have the book open to Exhibit V?

A. Yes. Whoops.

Melissa Odens, RPR
Armour, S.D.
 

LOST IN TRANSLATION

Q. What did you do for the company in 1998?

A. I started as a butter man (phonetic), and then I put the barricades and check every­thing, all the barricades.

THE REPORTER: Started as a what?

THE INTERPRETER: Barricades.

A. The — those barricades that put you —separate one place or another.

MS. JONES: But you said something. He started out as a…

THE REPORTER: “Butter man”? That’s what —

THE INTERPRETER: “Butter man” is what he said.

MR. WITNESS: Bottom man. I’m working —

THE REPORTER: “Bottom”?

MR. WITNESS: — my union as a water man —

THE INTERPRETER: A water man.

MR. WITNESS: — sewer.

THE INTERPRETER: Water man.

MS. JONES: In Spanish. (Mr. Ross speaking in Spanish with the witness.)

THE INTERPRETER: He put the – the – the – all the pipes of water.

MR. ROSS: “Bottom”? Bottom man.

MR. WITNESS: Bottom man.

MR. ROSS: Not “butter,” but “bottom.”

THE INTERPRETER: Bottom man.

MR. ROSS: B-o-t-t-o-m.

THE INTERPRETER: Yeah.

MS. SMITH: I can’t wait to see this transcript.

MS. JONES: We’re testing your skills.

MS. SMITH: That’s right. I’m sorry they don’t have that section in the Texas Bar Journal for funny deposition transcripts.

Melanie Smith
Longview, Texas
 

REALITY TV

Q. Do you understand that this deposition today and your testimony is just the same as if you were sitting in a court of law in front of the judge?

A. I assume so, yeah. Never been to court either, so…

Q. All right. I’m sure in today’s world with all the court stuff on TV, you’ve seen some liveaction court proceedings, haven’t you?

A. Judge Judy.

Q. Well, I guess that’s still real.

Doreen Sutton, RPR
Scottsdale, Ariz.

The last page: All in a day’s work

WHY ME?

A 21-year-old deponent had this exchange. During her answer, she looked around the room at each of us. She said it as she ended up looking at me.

A. But there are different levels for each — Wayne State is really diverse. We have a lot of — no offense to nobody — but older people.

Q. Like how old is old?

MR. DOE: I’m glad she pointed at the court reporter and not me.

Elsa Jorgensen
Birmingham, Mich.

TMI

Q. Do you update your Facebook?

A. From time to time. I’m not consistent with it. I’m not one of the people who tells you I’m going to the bathroom every five minutes and everything.

MR. JONES: Thank God for that, sir.

MR. SMITH: I agree.

Therese Casterline, RMR, CRR
The Colony, Texas

WHEN YOU ASSUME …

Q. What other kind of surgeries?

A. I had a breast implant.

Q. Augmentation?

A. Augmentation.

Q. When was that?

A. That was seven years ago.

Q. Just one?

A. Both.

Q. That’s not what I meant, but —

A. Oh, just one time. Sorry.

Q. I assumed you got both. (Laughter).

Leo Mankiewicz, RMR, CRR
Phoenix, Ariz.

SILLY QUESTIONS

Q. Let me ask you a few things about your family life if I could. You’re married to your wife, correct?

A. Most people are.

Q. Obviously.

Barbara Prindle, RPR
Brunswick, Ga.

AGREED

Q. But you were married?

A. We were married

Q. Okay.

A. It’s a complicated thing.

Q. Yeah, it always is.

Yvonne Fenner, RPR
Sacramento, Calif.

MOBILE HOME MOVING

Q. And that would happen if somebody decided to pick up their home and go elsewhere?

A. And they can do that.

Q. That is within their rights.

A. Okay.

Q. They would have to be real strong, though, to pick it up and carry it, wouldn’t they?

A. Well, they would have to hire a contractor.  I mean, you’re talking physical? No, I never took it that way.

Q. I know that.

A. Okay. I’m sorry.

Q. I was just playing with you.

Renee L. Stacy, RPR, CRR
Salt Lake City, Utah

FIRST, TAKE ALL THE LAWYERS …

Q. Was it a lawyer or a person?

A. It was a person.

Susan L. Beard, RPR
Beaumont, Texas

VERIFY EVERYTHING

Q. You’re wearing a shirt with a logo on it, and that says, “SSYC Preschool.” What’s that?

A. It’s Second Street Youth Center. It’s a preschool, and it has an aftercare program.

Q. Where is Second Street located?

A. In Plainfield.

Q. Is it on Second Street?

A. Yes. South Second Street.

Denese Cortellino
North Arlington, N.J.

SPELLING BEE

Q. Did you attend college?

A. I went to The Salon Professional Academy for a short time and didn’t finish.

Q. The what professional academy?

A. The Salon Professional Academy.

Q. How do you spell that?

A. S-a-l-o-n, Professional, P-r-o-f-f-e-s-i-o-n-a- l-l-y, Academy, A-c-a-d-e-m-y.

Amy Doman, RPR, CRR
Carmel, Ind.

THAT’S THE TRUTH

Q. Did he tell you that he crosses — he tries to cross when there are no trains coming?

A. No, he didn’t mention that.

Q. It’s part of your job to follow up on statements, is it not?

A. Well, frankly, I would try to cross when there were no trains coming, too.

Q. Good idea.

THE COURT: The Court takes judicial notice of that.

Wendy Shultz
Minneapolis, Minn.

DOUBLE THE TROUBLE

Q. How old are your grandchildren?

A. Granddaughter, five. I have twin boys, two.

Q. Twin grandsons?

A. Yes.

Q. Age two?

A. Yes, both of them.

Michele L. Fontaine, RPR
Leicester, Mass.

LONG-WINDED

(After a three-page answer by a neuropsychologist):

Q: I’m sure there’s some periods in there. I’ll let the court reporter choose them.

Cassy Russell, RPR, CRR, CCP
Tulsa, Okla.

If you’d like to contribute, please send your funny transcript excerpts to NCRA Publications Manager Austin Yursik at ayursik@ncra.org.